Category Archives: Life History

A Time Almost Remembered

I found this journal entry I wrote on November 2 in 2006 or 2007. I don’t remember the circumstances surrounding this entry, or what inspired me to write it. Because of this, it spoke to me today as if it had been written by someone else.

I read I Corinthians 1 this morning, and this is what stood out to me. Verses 25-29 say:

Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men. For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; and the base of things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence.

It is not flattering to be chosen by God because to be chosen means that I am weak and/or foolish. Doing God’s work is satisfying but not because I am a great person. It is satisfying because God can use me to glorify Himself, regardless of how weak or foolish I am. The more I allow my weakness and foolishness to be exposed, the more God will be glorified!! It is not flattery, but humility, that I should feel in my heart when I am chosen to be used by God! May God remind me of this over and over again!!

Without God’s hand in my life, I am a dead, worthless being going through the motions of my life, doing the foolish and weak things that fill it. With God in my life exposing the ugly things within, I am still a dead worthless being, but God comes in and makes the dead alive and the useless worth something, as long as He is within.

I believe I have lived my life thinking I was something special because God chose me, and I said yes!! What an idiot I’ve been!! I am nothing without my Savior within me!! Fortunately, God loves me whether or not I acknowledge my weakness and foolishness!! I now know that I will live a more satisfying life only when I remember that I am a worthless tool made useful in the hands of the Master of all tools! Verses 30-31 say:

But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God – and righteousness and sanctification and redemption – that your faith should not be in the wisdom of men but in the power of God.

In Everything Give Thanks

God created us to bring Him glory. When God miraculously heals someone, He gets glory. When He gives joy, even without healing, to a quadriplegic, He gets glory. When He blesses someone with great wealth – from Job and Abraham to J. C. Penny , He gets the glory. When He provides for each daily need, He gets the glory.

It’s easy to give glory to God in the good times – when the miracles are obvious.

The Bible is full of miracles – like the time when He kept the oil from running out in I Kings 17:8-16 and when God blessed Solomon in II Chronicles 1:11-12.

When I was in college, I got a last minute opportunity to be a summer missionary. I had never heard of such a thing, but I wanted to try it. The deadline had passed, but there were still unclaimed openings.

I signed up and was accepted. That left me very little time to raise money for the trip, but God knew what He was doing. He brought in every last dime that I needed in time for the trip. God’s timing is amazing!

When God told us to move to Rhode Island, we had very little notice, yet amazingly, our house sold & closed just 2 weeks after putting it on the market!! Then He helped us out of a sticky situation by helping us find a very well cared for van that we could easily afford with just a 24 hour notice! Yes, God’s timing is perfect. He wanted us to go and He provided the way.

God is not limited by time, resources, or circumstances. He has proved time and again that He can do much with a small window of time. And in all these things God receives the glory. That’s easy!

It is not so easy to give God the glory He deserves in the tough times – when the miracles are not so obvious.

Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity? ~Job 2:10b

Job certainly had a lot to be thankful for (1:2-3), at least for a while (1:13-19), but when the hard-times came, Job still trusted God and blessed his name (1:20-22).

How do you give thanks to God when He allows hard things to happen? Amazingly there always is a blessing hidden in there somewhere, and while seeking God for that blessing, you learn more about Him, and He uses you to bless others through your hard time.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”  ~I Thessalonians 5:16-18

Fortunately, He promises His presence and peace when we are going through those not so easy times.

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.  ~John 14:27

In everything give thanks!

About a month ago on December 15, 2011, we found out that our youngest child, Thaddeus, has a terminal illness – Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy . In case you’ve never heard of it, DMD is a disease that affects the muscles. When a person has it, his muscles degenerate over time. Since the heart and diaphragm are muscles, the person with DMD usually dies from congestive heart failure or from not being able to breathe.

Thaddeus has no symptoms yet, but they usually start by the age of 5 when the muscles in his hips start showing their weakness. His future probably holds many falls, leg braces, muscle stretches, some minor surgeries, a wheelchair, and maybe even a ventilator.

This definitely is not an easy phase of our lives. While you never know how long any child will live, it is hard knowing ahead of time that your child most likely will not reach his 30th birthday.

But God’s timing and power are great in tough times too. Jesus accomplished more in three years than any of us will achieve in our 70. And God can do amazing things through Thaddeus in his short years.

My brother died of this same disease when he was just 15 years old. My mother was asked after he died, “Don’t you wish you’d never had him? Neither of you would have had to suffer.” Her answer was, “Absolutely not!!”

For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.  
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.

~Psalm 139:13-18

God created children with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. While life is more difficult for them, God is able to use their lives to reach others. They can touch the lives of so many people in just 15 or 20 years!

God was not taken off-guard. He knew before Thaddeus was ever born that he had DMD. He chose to make Him that way, and I do not have the authority to ask Him why. I may never know.

But I do know this. I love Thaddeus dearly! To wish I had not given birth to him would be missing out on an amazing amount of sweetness and joy! I plan to cherish every moment I have with all my children. I will train them all to be godly men and women, to go into this world, passing God’s blessings on to as many people as possible!

I am sure more posts will follow on this topic, but for now, I will end with Blessings by Laura Story.

100 Things About Me – #26

This is one of my more personal “about me” posts, and it is a bit hard to explain, but I will try. 🙂 I am recovering from tone deafness.

It all began, when I noticed once that my dad talked to me in a tone that sounded like he was upset when I had done nothing that I knew of to cause him to be upset. I was completely boggled and slightly hurt.

Then a good bit later, my husband asked me  (very nicely) why I was upset with him. I was shocked!  I wasn’t a bit upset! Then realization struck. This was the moment when everything began to make sense!

Daddy was not upset with me that day! He didn’t even realize he had talked to me like that! I have the same tone issue. It is a learned tone that to me just sounds matter of fact, but to most other people, sounds like I am upset.

Since I am aware of it, I work hard to control that tone, but it is very difficult to stop doing something that I never knew I did. Not only that, but I can’t trust my own judgment of tone. It is like my ear for tone is warped due to my own use of it.

Because of my “tone deafness”, it is very easy for my kids to use the tone that they have so often heard by their mom without my noticing it. Then when I do notice it, I have to control my own tone when I try to help them control theirs. It is very difficult! Fortunately, I have God to help me do what seems impossible!

I would like to point out that since that day when my dad seemed upset with me, he too, has become aware of his tone (without my help). He is also working on it. Pretty cool, huh?

I believe I have come a long way in allowing God to work on getting rid of my tone deafness, but I still have a long way to go. I will continue to work on it because no matter how hard it is to master, it is worth it to control the hurt I could cause to my children and the generations to follow!

100 Things About Me – #13

Shy Giraffe Behind Tree
Image by DanielJames via Flickr

I used to be extremely shy! When I say “extremely” I mean it! When I was in early elementary school, I only talked to a hand full of  people. Everyone probably thought I was mute, except for one friend and my teachers.

Normally I would not answer roll call, but one day my teacher told me she would mark me absent if I did not answer, so I tearfully answered and continued to answer from then  on (what a smart teacher!).

Another time that same year, I pulled a tooth in the bathroom and came into the classroom with a piece of paper towel against my gums. I got into trouble for having it in my mouth. Without offering a reason for having the paper towel, I threw it away. It wasn’t until my friend told the teacher what was going on that she understood!

So, you may have gathered by now, that I was one of those students that would be dying to ask more questions, but never would because it was embarrassing to me. I just sat and hoped others asked the same questions I had. I was definitely ridiculously shy!

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100 Things About Me – #6

Growing up, I almost always shared a birthday party with my younger brother, Timothy. Our birthdays were 3 days apart, and it just made sense that we celebrate together. I don’t recall ever wishing I could have my own day without him. As a matter of fact, my 19th birthday was the hardest ever. This was the first one I celebrated without him.

Timothy passed away 14 years ago at the age of 15 due to a genetic disease called Duchenne Muscular Dystropy. I wasn’t sure whether to share this with you all, but if any day is a good one to share it, it is today. Today is his birthday!

Happy Birthday, dear brother!




Here is yet another poem written by my favorite man on earth and presented to me in November 1998.


Trees are swaying in the breeze,
Breath of God that no one sees.
All around us grandeurs stand.
God is here. I see His hand.
Brilliant colors everywhere,
Excitement is in the air.
Every step is oh so light,
Daring us to take a flight.
To a place above the sky,
Ecstatically we will fly.
Here with you, I want to be.
On my knee I make a plea.
All I ask, all I desire,
Never let this time expire.

-Luke Gedeon

A Romantic Proposal

The coolest thing about re-organizing is that you get to walk down memory lane as you uncover precious treasures.

About two years ago, I shared with you the story of how Luke and I met and told you a bit of our story. One of those precious treasures I uncovered was a copy of Luke’s proposal to me. Isn’t he romantic?

Weddings are a wondrous thing.
I want to give you a ring.
Life without you would be pain.
Life with you my greatest gain.

Years I’ve waited and would pray,
Oh! How I longed for the day,
Until the time I could say,

My dearest one, these words are true,
All of my love I give to you.
Receive this token,
Ring unbroken.
Yes, all my love I give to you.

May God always bless our love.
Each moment, bliss from above.

– Luke Gedeon

This poem is shared under a creative commons license.

Journey Incomplete – Part 1

Have you ever walked down a road that was difficult, yet found yourself looking forward to walking down a similar road again? It almost sounds crazy, but I assure you it is not.

Five years ago, I began walking down one of those roads, and I am still on that same journey. It began when I looked at myself from the inside out and tried to see myself from another person’s perspective. It was mind-blowing to discover that I did not like what I saw. What? I look like THAT? me???

I knew that God was not pleased with what He saw. I also knew that He was willing to melt me down like gold and skim off the impurities. It is a painful process, but it is so absolutely worth it!

Wow! This is turning into a major blog post series! Stay tuned for more!