This is one of my more personal “about me” posts, and it is a bit hard to explain, but I will try. 🙂 I am recovering from tone deafness.
It all began, when I noticed once that my dad talked to me in a tone that sounded like he was upset when I had done nothing that I knew of to cause him to be upset. I was completely boggled and slightly hurt.
Then a good bit later, my husband asked me (very nicely) why I was upset with him. I was shocked! I wasn’t a bit upset! Then realization struck. This was the moment when everything began to make sense!
Daddy was not upset with me that day! He didn’t even realize he had talked to me like that! I have the same tone issue. It is a learned tone that to me just sounds matter of fact, but to most other people, sounds like I am upset.
Since I am aware of it, I work hard to control that tone, but it is very difficult to stop doing something that I never knew I did. Not only that, but I can’t trust my own judgment of tone. It is like my ear for tone is warped due to my own use of it.
Because of my “tone deafness”, it is very easy for my kids to use the tone that they have so often heard by their mom without my noticing it. Then when I do notice it, I have to control my own tone when I try to help them control theirs. It is very difficult! Fortunately, I have God to help me do what seems impossible!
I would like to point out that since that day when my dad seemed upset with me, he too, has become aware of his tone (without my help). He is also working on it. Pretty cool, huh?
I believe I have come a long way in allowing God to work on getting rid of my tone deafness, but I still have a long way to go. I will continue to work on it because no matter how hard it is to master, it is worth it to control the hurt I could cause to my children and the generations to follow!