Luke gave me an interesting proposition on Tuesday evening after eating dinner with friends. After we got everyone strapped into the van, he said, “Do you want to drive or walk?” My reply? “Let’s see….um…..I think I will drive.” That would have been quite a walk!! In case you are wondering, he had intended to ask if I wanted to drive or ride. I’m so glad he lets me drive when I want to!! I like it!! I love you, Luke!! See, I told you I’d be nice!! ….as if I’m not always nice!! 🙂
Tonight I felt God telling me to do something that I have never had the desire to do. I knew the day would come, but I have been dreading it with a passion. Leadership. The very idea terrifies me!! The word and I do not get along. I have hidden behind shyness and softspokenness all my life, but no more. It is now my desire because it is God’s desire.
Are you curious how I knew God was telling me so clearly to do this? A few weeks ago I was asked to help lead the Christmas program. Even though the mere thought of leading anything, especially children, scared me silly, I said yes because I knew it would be good for me, and I wasn’t sure anyone else was available to do it.
About a week ago, I was asked to help lead music on Sundays because the girl who regularly did it moved away. I accepted with excitement because I like singing. I had already been helping out temporarily by playing my flute with the congregation on Sundays because we were in a temporary location with no piano.
Tonight was my test run at both of the above assignments. I kind of flopped at both. Kids know when you really are in control. I can control my own kids because they know me well, and I know them well, but controlling kids you don’t know that well is a whole different story! How do you keep eye contact with that many little people? It seemed to take more coordination than I could handle!! Then I found out tonight within 5 minutes of doing it that I was leading music for the first time tonight!! I got up there and tried to look more confident that I was (instead of totally intimidated and unworthy of the job I was doing). It’s kind of hard to do that when you don’t know a few of the songs. I did OK, considering the circumstances. I’d say I need a few more lessons on leadership!
Don’t get me wrong about this leadership thing. I wanted to teach children and lead music, but it still scares me for some reason. God is finally forcing me to face my fears and make me learn something that I should have learned years ago. With the plans Luke and I have for our future, it is necessary for me to be comfortable with being in front of people and leading them when necessary.
I could use a lot of prayer! I am going to work hard to at least appear confident and in control even if I don’t feel that way. I hope to post again next week to give an update on my confidence level and leadership abilities.