Somehow it seems to be a part of my personality to say “sorry,” even when it is not necessary. I think it started out when I realized that I could say it when someone was in a bad circumstance. Of course, I meant that I was sorry the person was experiencing a hard time. Eventually I just began apologizing when it was totally not necessary.
When I moved to Rhode Island, a friend here began right off the bat saying, “You don’t have to apologize.” I actually apologized so much over time that I was able to predict when she was going to say this phrase. Sometimes I playfully came back with, “Oh did I apologize again? I’m sorry.” I was also sometimes tempted to say, “You don’t have to say ‘you don’t have to apologize.'” 🙂
But in reality she really helped me. It has been quite helpful to have her constantly reminding me that apologizing was not necessary. Not only that, but I am suspicious that apologizing constantly gives people the impression (let’s people see?) that I lack confidence.
For awhile, I got around the the reminder not to apologize by saying “starry” instead of “sorry.” She knew what I meant, and also realized that I knew I wasn’t supposed to be apologizing. I believe it is actually saying “I’m starry” (along with my friend’s constant reminders) that helped me to get over my apologetic apologizing because to remember to say “starry” was due to my remembering not to say the real thing. (Wow! Maybe you should read that sentence a second time!) Over time I unconsciously stopped say “I’m starry,” too!
Tonight while chatting with my friend online, I did slip up and apologize, and in so doing, realized how long it had been since I had apologized unnecessarily. Of course, that is not to say that I have not done anything to apologize for. Notice I did say “unnecessarily.” 🙂
The odd thing is that instead of slipping up which causes you to have to apologize, my slip up was apologizing itself! And I couldn’t even apologize for my mistake! Because to apologize would make me apologize for apologizing, which would make me apologize again……..and on and on and on.
And if this post is too long or not exactly what you were looking to read tonight, please forgive me. Does that count as apologizing?
Note: After typing this post, I realized I had unknowingly posted on Robert Hruzek’s “What I Learned From” topic of the month. I had been planning to post and time just slipped up on me. But I accidentally made the deadline. Sorry, Robert, that I almost forgot! 😀 (This is too much fun!).